Can We Stop Talking About ‘Cleavage Trends’?

Brazilians are apparently no longer desirable. The bush is back. When this nation-stopping news broke in 2013, it was hard to gauge what was louder: the gasp of horror from the waxing industry or the sighs of relief from its customers.

Now it’s time for Playtex, Bendon, Berlie, Triumph, and Victoria’s Secret et al to hold crisis talks because bras are now as outdated as the landing strip. Or more specifically, when it comes to boobs, perk is out and sag is in.

‘This is a new kind of cleavage ideal,’ writes Tatiana Boncompagni, The New York Times’s mammary correspondent. ‘Not the often artificially inflated breasts of yore, but a more naturalistic teardrop shape that harks back to the 1970s.’

The trend was apparently started by Rihanna and Jennifer Lopez way back in 2012 but didn’t fully catch on until Michelle Dockery, Amy Adams, Margot Robbie and Robin Wright left their bras at home during more recent red carpet appearances.

‘Tired, perhaps, of exposing the top of the breasts, with the obvious leers that practice inspires, stars are now exposing the sides,’ hypothesises Boncompagni.

Good thinking. I always find that leers at the sides of my boobs are so much more preferable to leers at the tops of them.

But before we rejoice that the effects of gravity have now been deemed fashionable, there is a precise definition for the sexy sag.

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